R.I.P. "Shit Other People Say"

Hello, mah peeps.  I know I have not written anything in a very long time, once again, and for that I'm truly sorry.  Life stuffs keeps getting in the way.  The reason for this post is because one of my other blogs that I created on a whim, shitotherpeoplesay.com, is dying.  It is not nearly as popular as I thought that it might be. I received an e-mail stating that the domain that I purchased for this blog is going to expire soon.  Since I have no job at the moment and its glaring lack of traffic, I decided to not renew it and just archive what I have posted here.  It will live on as a totally separate segment here, so feel free to keep them coming in.  Just e-mail to ZaxxonQ@ZaxxonQ.com and I'd be more than happy to post it up here with a polite nod to you for your contribution.  A nod is all I can afford.  :-P

So, here ya have it... the entire collection of Shit Other People Say:

I don't think this yoga class is legit.

My Internal Dialogue for Other People:

(scene - couple exiting yoga class across the street)

Woman: Your Downward Dog was excellent, but your Pooping Hobo needs work.

Man: Your Reverse Warrior was spot on, but you kinda fumbled on the Weeping Stripper.

Sticky Buddy Dub

Okay, I did not make this, but I really feel that this should be on this site.  This has made so many people BAWL with tears of laughter tonight, myself included.  I.  Could.  Not.  Breathe!!!  X-D

St. Paddy's Shenanigans

Overheard at The Mucky Duck bar while enjoying green beer in celebration of St. Patrick's Day:

"You motorboating son of a bitch!  C'mere!"

"Our bodies can't digest the dye they use for the green beer.  We're all gonna have diarrhea for a week."

"Which of us do you think would survive a zombie apocalypse?"

"*inaudible* Blaahhhrrggggh I'd fokin' take his gun an' mmuurphle pop his grrraaaahh..."

*waiting for a turn in the restroom as someone exits the stall*  "Thank you."  o_0  Thank you???  WTF?

We hire a classy bunch...

Overheard at work:

"You heard from Nicole? No? Call her, and make sure she ain't in jail."

-Steph 

RAWR!

Overheard:

Horrid talking twig with hair to another girl:  OMG!  Did you see Sally?!  She's gotten so big!  She's practically 'obeast'!

Me thinking:  Bitch, it's 'obese', not 'obeast'.  She's not an animal, just fat.  Also, just because you can slide in and pick a lock with your head doesn't make anyone bigger than you obese.

Munch on brunch.

(scene: two people, a guy and a girl, eating brunch.)

Guy:  Oh my god, that's so dry!  *joking* Is that cornmeal or sand?!

Girl:  *dead serious* Oh no, that's cornmeal.

Guy:  *poker face*

(later)

Girl:  There's a woman over there that looks like a... um... one of those... uh... what's the word?  ...........whore.

Can't believe I found a whore eating sand for this post.

They're Grrrrr... not so good!

After being blown off yet again...

"Bitch Flakes!  Flaky bitches with an indecisive coating.  Wishy-washy them down with a glass of meh.  Part of this balance pissed Brad.  >_<"

Nasty White Creamy Goo

I HATE it when people say that mayonnaise and Miracle Whip are the same thing.  >_<

Not me - "Do you want mayo or mustard?"

Me - "Mayo."

Not Me - *grabs Miracle Whip*

Me - "Um, that's not mayo..."

Not Me - "Same thing."

Me - "NO IT'S NOT, YOU LEAKY CUNT!  Mayonnaise is pure, natural, and delicious!  Miracle Whip is a chemical abomination from the depths of Hell shat out by Satan himself that totally RUINS any and every food item it touches!!!  Why the FUCK would I want a SWEET sandwich or SUGARY deviled eggs, you culinary RETARD?!"

See also - http://theoatmeal.com/blog/miracle_whip

Happy Independence..... oh...

Overheard:

(scene: guy and girl preparing for a Fourth of July party)

Guy:  So, one of my coworkers took off for seven days for the Fourth of July.  Why in the hell would anyone need to celebrate for that long?!

Girl:  Well, maybe his ancestors came over on the Mayflower?

Guy:  Yeah... in shackles.

Girl:  O_O