Stacy - We have to do a SUMMER WATCH 2013. You definitely have to go to the airport with me to pick her up. :D
Brad - 'kay... you do know I work nights and sleep days, right? When is she arriving?
Stacy - Noon on Thursday the 30th.
Brad - Fine. Just remind me to go to bed early on Wednesday.
Stacy - "Fine"? :-/
Brad - I just woke up. "Fine" is sleepyese for "Huzzah! We shall goeth forth and picketh up Lady Summer! Oh, joy!"
Stacy - LOL, silly boy.
Brad - That's why you keep me around.
Stacy - So, if you had to guess what size you are... what would that size be?
Brad - Hefty. For what?!
Stacy - Shirt wise.
Brad - X-Large.
Stacy - Are you sure XL?!?!
Brad - Yep.
Stacy - Dude, you have a 52 chest?
Brad - o_0 Th' hell if I know! Last time I measured anything on my body, it wasn't my CHEST... I should also point out that I was 13 at the time... kinda sad to think of a grown ass man doing that... anyhooooooo...
Stacy - LMFAO ROTF. Nothing wrong with measuring... anything.
Brad - I'm good. I don't feel the need to prove anything. I'm secure in my... chest size.
Once upon a pig farm, there lived a passel of pigs (a passel is what you call a group of pigs). One day, the fancy Princess Pig of the group, with her fancy Princess Pig jewelry and fancy Princess Pig dress, stood up from the crowd that was bathing in the mud and proclaimed, "My word! Look at us! Bathing in MUD! We should learn to be more proper than that! We should evolve! We should be more than what we are!" To which the other pigs replied with, "Dude! I mean, your highness! If we don't bathe in the mud, we will surely perish! We cannot sweat, therefore, we have to find other means to cool ourselves off!" Princess Pig let off a royal snort, "Fools! Strive to overcome yourself! Don't give into nature! Be free of the tyranny of your filth! Be more than yourself!" All the other pigs just dismissed her with gruff honks and horks as they dove deep into the cooling mud puddles. Later that day they found Princess Pig laying on a clean smooth stone with her tiara slightly tilted. She wasn't breathing and smelled of a freshly cooked southern breakfast.
Moral of the story: be yourself or else you are going to DIE! ^_^
Hello, mah peeps. I know I have not written anything in a very long time, once again, and for that I'm truly sorry. Life stuffs keeps getting in the way. The reason for this post is because one of my other blogs that I created on a whim, shitotherpeoplesay.com, is dying. It is not nearly as popular as I thought that it might be. I received an e-mail stating that the domain that I purchased for this blog is going to expire soon. Since I have no job at the moment and its glaring lack of traffic, I decided to not renew it and just archive what I have posted here. It will live on as a totally separate segment here, so feel free to keep them coming in. Just e-mail to ZaxxonQ@ZaxxonQ.com and I'd be more than happy to post it up here with a polite nod to you for your contribution. A nod is all I can afford. :-P
So, here ya have it... the entire collection of Shit Other People Say:
I don't think this yoga class is legit.
My Internal Dialogue for Other People:
(scene - couple exiting yoga class across the street)
Woman: Your Downward Dog was excellent, but your Pooping Hobo needs work.
Man: Your Reverse Warrior was spot on, but you kinda fumbled on the Weeping Stripper.
Here we have the Woman in Forest After Many Evians
Sticky Buddy Dub
Okay, I did not make this, but I really feel that this should be on this site. This has made so many people BAWL with tears of laughter tonight, myself included. I. Could. Not. Breathe!!! X-D
St. Paddy's Shenanigans
Overheard at The Mucky Duck bar while enjoying green beer in celebration of St. Patrick's Day:
"You motorboating son of a bitch! C'mere!"
"Our bodies can't digest the dye they use for the green beer. We're all gonna have diarrhea for a week."
"Which of us do you think would survive a zombie apocalypse?"
"*inaudible* Blaahhhrrggggh I'd fokin' take his gun an' mmuurphle pop his grrraaaahh..."
*waiting for a turn in the restroom as someone exits the stall* "Thank you." o_0 Thank you??? WTF?
I love it when people mangle grammar! ^_^
"Aannnddd that's the end of commenting on anything for me. Done getting shrew remarks."
A "Shrew Remark"
We hire a classy bunch...
Overheard at work:
"You heard from Nicole? No? Call her, and make sure she ain't in jail."
Totally made up conversation in my head:
Woman: I want a tattoo.
Man: What?! No! That's tacky and filthy! That's like telling me you want to have sex with Charlie Sheen!
Woman: Nah, the tattoo would be easier to wash off.
Horrid talking twig with hair to another girl: OMG! Did you see Sally?! She's gotten so big! She's practically 'obeast'!
Me thinking: Bitch, it's 'obese', not 'obeast'. She's not an animal, just fat. Also, just because you can slide in and pick a lock with your head doesn't make anyone bigger than you obese.
Adele, on the other, hand is obeast.
Like a wharf on a hot summer's eve...
Munch on brunch.
(scene: two people, a guy and a girl, eating brunch.)
Guy: Oh my god, that's so dry! *joking* Is that cornmeal or sand?!
Girl: *dead serious* Oh no, that's cornmeal.
Guy: *poker face*
Girl: There's a woman over there that looks like a... um... one of those... uh... what's the word? ...........whore.
Can't believe I found a whore eating sand for this post.
They're Grrrrr... not so good!
After being blown off yet again...
"Bitch Flakes! Flaky bitches with an indecisive coating. Wishy-washy them down with a glass of meh. Part of this balance pissed Brad. >_<"
Nasty White Creamy Goo
I HATE it when people say that mayonnaise and Miracle Whip are the same thing. >_<
Not me - "Do you want mayo or mustard?"
Me - "Mayo."
Not Me - *grabs Miracle Whip*
Me - "Um, that's not mayo..."
Not Me - "Same thing."
Me - "NO IT'S NOT, YOU LEAKY CUNT! Mayonnaise is pure, natural, and delicious! Miracle Whip is a chemical abomination from the depths of Hell shat out by Satan himself that totally RUINS any and every food item it touches!!! Why the FUCK would I want a SWEET sandwich or SUGARY deviled eggs, you culinary RETARD?!"
Jesus Christ, it's been so long since I have actually had the time, energy, and ambition to write ANYTHING! My GOD, how I miss it!!! >_< I really need to win the lottery so I can do this shit full time! For. Real.
Or... I need to sell more of my books. Amazon.com and other links are in the sidebar for physical copies as well as eReader versions. Jusayin'. ^_-
"I will speak my mind with many colorful and creative words; I will mold my thoughts into various forms of comedy; if it makes me laugh, awesome; if it makes others laugh, awesome-er; but I will never apologize for what I have said; if I offend you, you are more than welcome to stop reading what I post, but don't criticize my views and I will never criticize yours." -Brad Sharp
"I want to go to a mountain top with a radio and good batteries, and play a joyous tune and free the human race from suffering; I'm no fucking Buddhist, but this is enlightenment"
My name is Brad Brandon-Nead Sharp, Zaxxon Q Blaque, or just Zax. I am a writer/poet, geek, lover-not a fighter, saucy booze-hound, & all around fun guy, but right now I'm mostly just a cubicle dweller. >_<
Now the facts:
Video games are a HUGE part of my life. The first video game that I ever played was Zaxxon, hence the pseudonym. I've been playing ever since I could hold a joystick. I fuggin' LOVE sushi! Hell, I love anything Asian! ^_^ I wrote a book & finally published it, so please visit my store & get a copy! :-P Currently, I am in the middle of my novel, Nobody, which I hope to be working on soon with my good friend, April. I love discovering new music & obsessing over it for a while. I'm a giant smart arse, but I don't mean to sound like an asshole; I just like to crack jokes... a LOT. It's more of a reflex thing, really. Making people laugh is my number one addiction. Horror & Sci-Fi are also a big part of my life. Q from the Star Trek universe is my FAVORITE character, once again, hence the pseudonym. My favorite color is black (yup, pseudonym) and my favorite number is 13. I'm kind of a dark person, but I'm constantly working on that. Right now I'd like to make some more friends. You can never have too many. They're a good commodity to have on hand! ^_^
As of 2009, I've been out of nine years of solid relationships (three of them for three years each) and now am on my own for the first time in my life. So far it's interesting. I think I'll be learning a lot about myself and life this way. Right now I need to learn to be more outgoing and break away completely from this damned shell that has haunted me for the majority of my life. >_< I also need to acquire a better taste for Ramen noodles so I can save up money faster! LOL! ^_^
If there's ANYTHING else that ya wanna know, then please just ask! I'm quite literally an open book!