Saturday, August 4, 2012

Million Dollar Heaven


Today I found one of those fake million dollar bills on the ground; y'know, the ones that are supposed to make you think "Dur hur, a MILLION DOLLAR BILL!  WOOHOO!" and then when you pick it up, it disappoints you with Christian scripture on the back that is supposed to make you ponder about life, death, and eternal salvation.  Do these ever work?  Do they ever really fool anyone and trick them into Christianity?  Is there really a point to this?  I just do not get why Christians keep pushing their religion on others by tossing garbage on the ground.  Don't they realize that littering is illegal and is punishable with a five hundred dollar fine?  Maybe they can use one of these "bills" to pay it with.  Anyway, I digress; the point I am making is why does this one religion feel the need to litter and go door to door trying to recruit others into their beliefs?  Are they that insecure?  Are they really that lonely?  Do they get bonus points in heaven for however many people they get to join their flock?  "I see you got fifteen people to join you! Here's a pair of wings.  And for you... oh dear... I'm sorry... you only got three people.  Here's half a chicken wing and an unstrung harp."  Is it just me or does this seem like borderline cult activity?  Going around and trying to round up people to join your little crusade?  I know that homosexuality is not a religion (although we're both on our knees a lot) but they preach about the "gay agenda".  What about the shady "Christian agenda"?  If anything, they are worse!  We do not go around trying to recruit people.  We don't drop fake issues of Sports Illustrated with hardcore images of boy on boy sex and quotes like "Gurl, you needs to join us!  Gay sex is GOOD!"  We don't go door to door with "Haaaay!  How you doin'?!  Have you discovered the joys of your prostate?  Wouldn't you want to be in the arms of man love?"  I also don't see many other religions resorting to this tactic.  I have never come across a plastic gelt with the text "Oy!  You want the real thing?  Don't be a meshugeneh!  Come join us at temple and have a sandwich!"  I just don't get what the ever loving Christ is wrong with this religion and what the hell happened to it to make it so damn twisted.

In closing... don't fucking litter.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

We don't need no water, let the motherfucker burn!


OMFG! I just had to put out a bush fire right outside my apartment building! I have often seen the person in the second floor balcony right above the bushes, toss their cigarette outside, so I am guessing this one finally took. I go outside, and I hear a guy talking on the phone as he was coming in. He gets off the phone, looks at me, and says, "Hey, did you see that fire outside?" "Uh, no..." "Yeah, it's right there. Looks like it's getting bigger. I called 911" and then he just GOES HOME. WTF?! I go outside, see the flames, and due to my phobia I start going into a black woman panic and said "HOLY JESUS!" O_O I run inside, get a bucket of water, go back, and put most of it out. I go back for round two and when I come back out, I see a police officer walking up. As I am pouring the second bucket, he says, "I really appreciate it." I look around and see TEN other people just STARING st the damn thing, so I say, "Well, SOMEONE had to do something!" and then I go back inside. Basic science, people. Water kills fire. DO SOMETHING! People walking your dog... get your dog to PEE on the gawdamn flames! SHEEEEEET!

"It-it- the f - it -flam - flames. Flames, on the side of my building..."

Reminds me of a time when I was about 16, riding with my mom, on the way home. It had just finished raining. Well, she took one turn a little too sharply, and got stick in the ditch. As I was pushing while she was revving the gas, the friction from the back tire must've caught the grass under it on fire. I didn't even think or take into consideration my fear of fire and the thought of the whole damn car exploding, I dug into the mud and water beside it with my bare hands and flung it on the flames as I screamed for my mom to "STEP ON IT!" I put the fire out, mom got the car out, and I was covered in mud and full of adrenaline.

In short... I hate fire. >_<

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Emily:  OH DAMN!  You are a superhero now!  That totally counts as superhero qualifying material!

Brad:  It's sad when one is considered a superhero for possessing basic knowledge and the will to actually DO something. >_<

Emily:  I know right?!  What has the world come to?!  LOL!

Brad:  It's gonna come to a lot of stupid people on FIRE. LOL!

Dawn:  REEKRIS! Get the water, ni%$a!

Brad:  ROFL!