Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Oh, Deven Green, how I love you; let me shpank the ways...

If you do not know who this fabulush woman is, you simply MUSHT look her up (Deven Green - Face Full of Fashion)!  You will roll on the floor laughing like a crack whore getting her first hit of the day!  This was the first "Brenda" video that I ever saw; there ARE more, but you really gotta Google for them, and I don't mean the moisht googling, either.  These are based on vanity videos that were, for lack of a better term, a meme or a fad in the 80's.  Lots of stars felt that they were SO amazing they thought they would do their fans a favor and take them on video tours of their homes, their wardrobes, diet plans, various belongings, and other little self administered ego trips.  Now, they are the sad remnants of a once radical and lush decade and the butt of many a joke.  This one in particular was a series of dubbed videos that Deven did staring the soap opera has-been Brenda Dickson called "Welcome to my Home".  Ever since they became popular, Brenda fans have written angry letters to Deven begging her to take them down.  Deven did comply, but with the rabid fan-base that had already been established, you just can't keep these videos from popping up (thankfully).  You'd think that Brenda would appreciate having her name on the lips of people once again!  Oh well.  Anyhoo, here is the first video (that I was subjected to), prompted me to become a rabid fan myself, coaxed me and my friends to play Brendaisms every time we get together (making up phrases that "Brenda" would say), and whip up my own Brendaism posts below.

Enjoy, ya buncha junkies!  ^_-


"I showcase all my handmade nighties before getting my full three hours of rest. This one I made out of doilies and cheesecloth. A waft of Gouda is so relaxing and comforful. Blue and green leopard spot backdrop?! Yesh, please! Hand on impossibly thin waist, stare vacantly, and *click*. Another successful slumber shot. I always sleep standing up, just like Macy's mannequins. Also, I never close my eyes. I don't even blink for that matter. I don't want to miss any shugar daddies that may pass my hypnotic gaze. How else am I to land that money boat? Now, if you'll excushe me, I must retire for the evening, but feel free to keep looking at me. I may be resting, but fashion never sleeps. Good night and enjoy your yum-yums."

"If you really want to make a fashion statement, and really, who doesn't, say it with shoulders! People just can't help but lishten! Don't just get shoulder pads; go the extra mile and get real shoulders like Muffy McFlat-Chest here. If you really want to make that commitment, get shoulder implants! Guaranteed to make EVERY outfit fashion. Also, pick a color that is sure to demand attention when you walk in the Grand Gala Ballroom. Take this color for example; banshee's scream salmon. You'll turn heads faster than you turn tricks! Another helpful tip is to slick your hair back with WD-40. It'll stay in place AND stop untimely squeaking. With your hair up, people can soak in every ounce of your attire; like cows to a salt lick. Moooooo. Oh dear, it looks like she dropped something. Poor thing has lost her self-reproach. She's shameless! Shee what I did there? It's called a antigdoke... antidork... a clever joke. Go ahead and use it. First hit's free."

After you soak in the videos, feel free to post your own Brendaisms!!!  Spread the joy!


Here's a bonus video; her latest and greatest masterpiece!  ^_^

Black Morning 1-11-2012

Will prolly be posting more poems on here since I have re-joined the poetry group.  Enjoy!  ^_^

Black Morning 1-11-2012

The morning cracks
Shatters my slumber
Torn awake
ripped asunder
reach for the fuel
the mug of mud
to pep me up
and rush the blood
My dark nectar
My liquid lover
My saccharin surrender
My beautiful bitter
An empty cup of hot
How I love the linger
Helps me to give
the morning the finger

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Solo Sequel 01-10-2012

I posted this on a poetry group, one that I had left a while back but have decided to join again, and just HAD to post it here for archival sake.  It is a companion piece to another poem, in my book, titled "Solo" which I will post here as well.

Yes, the Beat-Off Bard is back.  :-P

(That's BARD, not BRAD; one is clever, the other is just sad. [Hey!  there's a poem right there!  ^_^])

Solo 11-11-1999
My elusive eternal dark lover,
my right hand man,
my security blanket under the covers.
Stare dumbfounded into the night.
A solo beat rhythms my heart.
Perspire steam and salt so sweet.
A single sigh just to start.
Exotic fantasies fulfilled.
Divine desires dreamt, live.
The darker the sin, the better.
Giving it all I can give.
Ecstasy discovered within thyself.
A good singer needs no band.
Who knows you better than you?
Practice makes perfectly talented hands.

Solo Sequel 01-10-2012

The fruit of my loins
is never ripe
plucked too early
with stammering hype

A quickie, a tug
A scenario perfection
A bared solo soul
An unneeded protection

Dry, wet,
I'll take what I get
Fast, slow, 
At home, on the go

Caught in a tissue
Tossed without regret
is that abortion
or child abandonment?

***UPDATE***  A fellow group member commented on my poem with this:

Jerking the chicken
Choking it too,
Why can't the girls
Have some fun with words too?

Not a word about flowers,
Or tending a garden,
We don't even have
A good word for hard-on.

LOVE IT!!!  ^_^

Monday, January 9, 2012

I've just been Ma'am-ogram'd

Stacy:  I think I want to leave 5 minutes early and take Angelina to dance class tonight.
               (Angelina is her new sexy Corvette)
Brad:  Show off the girl, huh?
Stacy:  Yes ma'am! 
Stacy:  MA'AM?!?!?!  What the fuck?!?! 
Brad:  *looks at penis*  Ma'am?  o_0  *looks at Kiki's wig*  Never mind.  -_-
Stacy:  LMFAO!  Touche