Monday, July 19, 2010

Quickies with Brad! 07-19-2010

More quick movie reviews from flicks over the weekend!  ^_^

She's Out of My League - Very cute, charming, and funny movie.  Jay Baruchel and Alice Eve have great chemistry together, but it's the scenes with T. J. Miller and Krysten Ritter that really won me over.  The only issue that I may have had was the high number of main cast members.  I really don't want to remember everyone's name and role during a silly comedy.  Despite that fact, it was a fun ride.  Rent.

Vampires Suck - Everyone that was involved in the making of this "movie" should have to give refunds to everyone that spent money on it and then after they go broke, become homeless, and resort to eating cat food, they should die in agony alone in a ditch... possibly on fire.  The only time that I laughed (which was twice by the way and yes I was counting) was only when comedian Ken Jeong was on screen.  Although the jokes he delivered were horrid, the way that he pulled them off was all his own hilarious style.  You'd be better off just watching his stand up acts.  Pass like a kidney stone.

Carnival of Souls (1998) - Although very loosely based off the original 1962 film of the same name, this version still manages to hold up its own as a very superb piece of horror.  Despite it being twelve years old and having barely any gore, I still found myself cringing and jumping.  Wes Craven rarely lets me down.  Rent.

Alien from L.A. (via MST3K) - Wow.  I cannot believe that anyone could seriously watch this with a straight face.  Kathy Ireland sounded like a wounded kitten that needed to be put down, the makeup jobs looked like something a half retarded gorilla from the 80's would do, and the acting was bland and incomprehensible.  The only, and I mean ONLY way that you should watch this is with my good friends from Mystery Science Theater 3000.  They could make a steaming turd funny.  Actually, they just did with this movie.  Rent.

Teenage Strangler (via MST3K) - Now, I've seen a lot of bad, and I mean BAAAAAAAD movies (see Vampires Suck) but there are some that just don't have ANY sort of redeeming value at all!  Even when Mystery Science Theater 3000 sinks their vicious teeth in this and rip it apart, it still isn't worth the time that you could spend crocheting or learning Dutch.  Pass.

Coming soon: The Sorcerer's Apprentice

Also, I'm gonna change the name of this segment to "Quickies for Commoners: Movie reviews for the non movie snob".  Still gonna keep the quick few lines format with a mixture of comedy and seriousness, and since no one owns the rights to the "Buy, Rent, or Pass" rating system, I will hang on to that until I think of something better.

Until then, thanks for reading!  ^_^

Edit: What do you think of this rating system: "Own, Watch, I'd Rather..."?

The first two are rather self explanatory:
Own - I suggest owning the movie.
Watch - You're good just watching it the one time.

The last one will be unique to me:
I'd Rather... - Something that I'd rather do than watch this movie.  Will be different every time.  "I'd rather watch a good movie."  "I'd rather get a poke in the eye."  "I'd rather lose my eyebrows in a grease fire." etc.

What do you think?!  ^_^

Monday, July 12, 2010

Quickies with Brad!

Just some very quick reviews of a lot of random movies that I have seen recently.

Buy, Rent, or Pass in no particular order:

Twilight Saga - Eclipse: Pretty damned entertaining if I do say so myself.  Although it was long as hell, it totally did not feel as such.  Go see it then buy it when it comes out on DVD.

Repo Men: Despite being a Repo - The Genetic Opera rip-off (many MANY similarities) this was quite awesome!  VERY gory and brutal as all hell, so of course I LOVED it!  Buy, buy, a hundred times BUY!!!

Deadline: A Brittany Murphy flick that I had no idea existed.  It made me miss her unique look and acting style so much more than I already do.  She did such an awesome job and I wish I had the chance to let her know.  :-(  Buy.

Daybreakers: A very unique twist on vampire lore.  A fun gory good time!  Rent.

Darkness: Anna Paquin shows just how boring her acting can be (although I do not believe that is her acting, but just her as she is normally).  A HUGE snore-fest.  If you value your time, pass.  If you have insomnia, doctors will prescribe this to you.

Youth in Revolt: Although I find it hard to believe that any sixteen year olds talk or act like Michael Cera or Portia Doubleday, the movie was enjoyable.  Had it's funny moments, but no belly laughs.  Rent.

Date Night: Within the first five minutes I was doubled over in teary laughter!  Tina Fey and Steve Carell need to breed so we can have generations to come of their comic genius... that is if it is genetically passed.  :-\  If not, I'll just settle for them working together on many more films.  Buy.

The Losers: I admit, I had not read the comic when I watched this, so I really have no reference or idea of what I missed.  As a standalone movie with no knowledge of the comic, it was alright.  Bad guys versus good guys, weak and predictable plot, mediocre acting, and no feeling of conclusion.  Good film to waste time if you have nothing better to do.  Rent.

Kick-Ass: The title says it all!  There wasn't one second of this movie that I did not enjoy!  I cannot wait for the sequel!  Adorable, funny, foul mouthed Hit-Girl (Chloë Moretz) needs her own spin-off!  ^_^  BUY!!!

Percy Jackson & the Olympians - The Lightning Thief: So.  Much.  Awesome.  Fun!  ^_^  I enjoyed it WAY more than I thought I would/could.  Plus, Uma Thurman as Medusa!  Need I say more?!  Buy!

Hot Tub Time Machine: Stupid funny.  Don't worry too much about the temporal physics (like I did), just sit back and laugh.  John Cusack rocked it out like always, but Clark Duke and Rob Corddry stole the show.  Buy.

Slaughter High: A throwback 80's horror flick from my childhood.  Good gravy what an awful movie!  I wish I could break the DVD but I think Netflix would frown on that.  PAAAAASSSSS!!!!!

Prince of Persia - The Sands of Time: Being a fan of the video game trilogy I was very excited to see how this plays out.  Although not EXACTLY like the games, it was still very groovy!  I still don't understand why they couldn't get some actual Persians in this film.  Eyeliner and fake tan does not a Persian make.  Rent.

The Grudge 3: Stop it.  Just stop it.  No no no no and no.  Let it die here, please.  Pass.

The Drawn Together Movie The Movie: *sigh*  Why must you take one of my favorite crude 'toons and try to make a movie out of it?  So effed up it's not even funny.  I mean, yes, there are some laughs along the way, but nothing amounting to the quality of the TV series.  Just stick with the reruns.  Pass.

There's a great segue into this next section; TV shows!  Watched the Series premier of Haven on SyFy.  Although the acting was atrociously bland as all hell, I was still able to find the charm that will keep me watching.  I just hope the acting improves as the series progresses.  Also, this season of True Blood has already made up for the majority of the semi-train wreck that was Season 2 (I say semi because I actually kinda liked the storyline).  If you have never watched an episode of True Blood... what is WRONG with you?!  Hop to it, man!  This has got to be the best thing on TV right now!  Well, at least until Dexter and Weeds comes back.  ^_^

Also, as a nice companion piece to True Blood, Meredith Woerner over at writes up HILARIOUS and very accurate recaps a couple of days after the latest episode airs.  Please go read these and tell her that Brad sent ya!  You'll thank me!  ^_^

Did you see any of these? What did you think? Let me know by posting a comment! Don't worry, you don't have to have an account here to post a comment and you certainly do not have to agree with me. :-P


Running in Place Against a Brick Wall

Running in Place Against a Brick Wall 07-12-2010

I dance the dance
you walk the walk
my breathless pants
your breezy talk

my fruitless labor
your effortless grin
my nothing to savor
your quick easy win

my struggle uphill
your vertical ease
my flailing still
your attractive tease

When will you stop?
When will I catch up?
When will you drop?
When will I usurp?