Thursday, December 31, 2009

They're Coming to Take Me Away, Ha-Ha!

Since this was the last real blog that I had on the old site, I thought I should put it up here as well.

Sorry to not make this a vlog, but as a writer I find it better to gather my thoughts on (virtual) paper rather than spout to a camera spastically.  Learn to read and deal with it.  :-P

So, I've been feeling a bit... odd lately.  It's a mixture of the usual emotional spectrum: depression, anger, and ecstasy.  Lately there has been some new ones thrown in there and I'll try to explain them as best as I can: the sense of urgency to do something like going out or doing something to better or further myself in life; the constant feeling like I'm forgetting something as if I left the iron on but I don't even own an iron; a fluttering feeling in my chest/stomach area akin to having a crush or being in love; an anticipation of something grand coming like X-mas, except that is already over with; confusion/frustration with something that I do not even know or have yet to encounter; jittery from some unknown source, like mass amounts of coffee that I have not ingested; and listlessness in general, like I don't even know what to do with my free time and I lack the motivation to even try to seek something.  I have also been eating like crazy, trying to satisfy some craving that I cannot place or satisfy, like there is a void that I have been trying to fill but have failed to do so.

I know what some of my religious friends might suggest to me, but for me God is not the answer.  You should know by now that I am not one that puts my faith in something that is constantly contradicting, horribly judgmental, and most importantly, invisible.  I have a very analytical scientific mind, so that really clashes with blind faith, sorry.  Suggesting religion to me to fill my longing would be like suggesting CPR to a cadaver to get it kicking again.

Then there is the album from Plushgun, Pins & Panzers.  There is just something about this album that is speaking to me and poking my muse awake.  I have never felt this way about a certain selection of music before.  Just listening to a few chords amplify the aforementioned emotions by twenty, and I'm not sure if that is a good thing... or a tragic one.  It could all be coincidence at discovering this album in my emotional quandary, but I think I'd like to think not.  There IS something about this album...

I also think back to when I used to have the odd feelings before, although they were vastly more tame then.  Those people that really know me are aware that I am sensitive to my surroundings and people.  I have displayed, quite a few times, predictions of events that were to come.  Although I have the scientific mind that cannot explain how or why this has happened in the past, at the same time, with all of the evidence of the phenomenon that has happened to myself, I cannot ignore or dismiss it either.

So, as of current, I am at a loss.  I have no idea why I have felt so odd.  So weirdly unique in fact that I fear my words may have failed to relay them in their entirety.  Are they warnings of what is to come?  Are they my inner self yearning for something that I cannot decipher and provide?  Am I just restless and need to get out of my own head for a while?  Or could it be that I am finally going bat-shit insane and bipolarity is my first symptom?  o_o

I welcome any comments or suggestions... well, almost any.  Not gonna do something TOO extreme, like find Jesus in prison or something...

... isn't that where people always find him?  o_0

I should prolly be on meds, huh?  >_<

1 comment:

  1. Meds are not always the answer, as you are well aware. You have felt these feelings before and you survived them so you will again. Sometimes we become set in our ways and we crave change. This can be good, or bad depending on if we force the change or let it happen and deal with it. Taking on new things (like the violin) are likely to put you in a better sense of self. Sometimes when we force fate's hand in our boredom, we create change that wasn't necessarily supposed to happen for the good of all. Make sense? Rearrange your furniture (safe change-unless you stub your toe)... make a new friend. Reconnect with an old one (me, LOL)... anyhoo... I get this way too... expectant, restless, out of place.... it passes. My captcha is antsmal. I find that ironic since its definition in my mind might be some state of being antsy, what a segue. ♥O♥X♥O♥X♥O♥X♥O♥X♥