Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Attack of the Post Holiday Small Talk

I really hate the fuggin' small talk with clients and bank tellers after a holiday:

"Hey there! How's it going? Have a fun fourth? What did you do?  See lots of fireworks?  Eat lots of good food?  Drink lots of beer?" 

Hooker, just give me the information I want and DO NOT waste my precious time prattling on and prying into my private life! >_<

*what I really want to say to make them shut up* "Yes, had a blast! Went to a Big Banging Gay Orgy to celebrate our freedom and shove firecrackers up our butts.  Woo!  You should come next time!"

You know damn well the default polite answer is gonna be "Yes, had fun", so why bother asking?! Just get to work, fart face!

And don't even start to tell me about the details of your holiday!

I.  Don't.  Know.  You.

We are not friends, we are not related, so what in the world make you think that I give two flinging shits about your celebration?!

"... so there we were at the beach..."

"I don't care."

"... then this gust of wind comes up..."

"I don't care."

"... blew the bottle rocket off course..."

"I SO don't care."

"... and instead of exploding, it fell into the water!  Ha ha!"

"Ha ha, I don't care!"

There seem to be a LOT of sad lonely people out in the world that need more work to do.  :-\


  1. I drank not one single beer this entire July 4th weekend. So sad. I did, however, see some awesome fireworks last night. How did that M60 in the butt thing go?