Friday, November 4, 2011

A Story of Stupidity

For me to tell my Story of Stupidity of today, I must first take you back to a previous conversation that I had with Stacy a few months ago.  Join me, won't you?

*hops in TARDIS*

Brad: My GAWD, stupid people make me wanna drink! >_<
Stacy: What stupidity have you encountered that makes you want to drink so early in the morning?
Brad: There is a new treasurer for one of my clients... when a bank will not help us with their accounts, we have to work with them to get them to work with the bank to clear up the issues we are having... capice?
Stacy: Follow you so far...
Brad: Well, this newbie sounds and acts like he just fell off the short bus after licking all the windows... :-/ srsly... f'real.... I have no idea who he blew to get this job.  So, of course once he is hired, I have issues with a bunch of different accounts for them and have to work with him.  He's frustratingly DUMB.  There is no other word for it.
Stacy: Ugh, I feel your pain.
Brad: I give him ALL the information and instructions that he needs in order to contact the bank and resolve shit, and he STILL insist on responding to my e-mails with a telephone call... "Uh, so, uhm, you need me to call dis here bank?"  :-|  "Yes, Jethro!"  >_<  Also, I do not get responding to my e-mails with a phone call... he USED to reply to the e-mail and then immediately call, "Hey Brad, I replied to your e-mail."  Really? No shit?!  :-|
Stacy: ...are you serious?
Brad: VERY serious.  So, now I just ignore the phone when I see it's from him... which in turn forces him to reply by e-mail.  I need a shot.  >_<

*hops out of TARDIS*

Now that you know the backstory and have been introduced to the Most Ignorant Sumbitch Known to Man, I can now tell my tale...

Earlier this week, I sent an e-mail to a client basically stating this: "This account has become locked out.  Could you please contact the bank and have them unlock it?" and gave ALL the information that was needed for the client to do so.  A day later, to my utter shock and surprise, I receive the reset password for the locked account in question from the client.  He has NEVER been so efficient and competent!  I was impressed!  So, I log in with the new temporary password, change it to the new permanent password, and process the account like normal for a few days.

Yesterday, the account was locked out again!  It definitely was not me because I was just trying it for the first time that day, plus I am the only one that uses this set of logins to access this account.  So, I send the e-mail again; "This account has become locked out.  Could you please contact the bank and have them unlock it?" and gave ALL the information that was needed for the client to do so.  I come to work this morning with a voicemail form that client representative that just loves to lick all the windows on the short bus, "Hey, uh, Brad... uhm, I need to speak with you about dis here bank dat you e-mailed me about.  I just unlocked it earlier this, uh, week, and I, urm, need to talk to you about it.  If you could, please, uh, call me back so I can, uuuuhhhhh, speak to you........ about this account......... that I unlocked before......."  That was it.  No call back number, no reasoning why he needed to speak with ME to get the account unlocked.  No explaining the multiple long pauses and ums that were muttered.  Nada.

Number one, if I e-mail you, please have the common sense to use e-mail to contact me back.  It is way more convenient for both of use since I am constantly busy and can't really yabber on the phone while working; plus it seems you need time to gather your thoughts first before you let them spill out.  Better to put them in an organized e-mail than let them dribble from your stupid gaping slack-jawed maw.

Number two, if you leave me a voice mail, have the common sense to leave a call back number.  Yes, I CAN go back to previous e-mails to find it in your signature, but that is a lot of unnecessary legwork and wasted time.  Thanks for that, jerk.

Number three, I AM NOT THE FUCKING BANK!  Why the HELL do you need to talk to ME?!  I gave you ALL the fucking information that you need to get this resolved!  Call.  The.  Bank!  If I call you back, I am going to tell you THE EXACT SAME FUCKING THING THAT I JUST FUCKING E-MAILED TO YOU AND THEN TELL YOUR STUPID ASS TO CALL THE BANK!  AAAHHHHHHHHRRRRRGGGGG!!!!!  >_<

Well... I feel better!  ^_^  Continuing with the story... I erased his voicemail with no intention of calling him back and instead sent him an e-mail:

"I received your voicemail this morning about this account.  I apologize, but I will not be able to call you as I will be away from my desk for most of the day.  Yes, you did manage to unlock it and sent me the temporary password; I was able to log in, change the password, and access the account a few days after that.  Now it has become locked out again, and I am not sure why.  This is something that needs to be discussed and resolved with the bank.  Just let them know of this details of this issue and they should be able to help you out."

Yes, it was a little fib, but how else am I going to train this dumb-ass?!  Guess what?  It worked!  He e-mailed me letting me know that, lo and behold, he called the bank and got the account unlocked.  See, Jethro, why was that so hard?  Why put me through the stress and wasted time?  Why make me waste even more time blogging about your incompetence in this very article?

I know why...

You are just straight up fucking retarded.

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