Tuesday, November 1, 2011

10-31-2011 aka Kiki's Halloween Commercial

Trick or treat
Candy's sweet
The popo is out on the beat
If I see
read and blue
I'm-a blame it all on you!

Happy Halloween, y'all!

Kiki: Hay y'all, it's that time again. Time to dress up in some frightening costumes so you can make chiddlin cry and steal they candy! It's hard for a gurl to keep her slim figure around this season.

Brad Off Camera: Slim?

Kiki: SHUT UP! Anyway, it's also a time to gather around, cuddle up to yo' boo, but not the ghostly kind, and watch whore movies!

Brad: HOR-ROR!

Kiki: Haaarrr.... hoooooorrr.... harhar....... scurry movies, y'all. Well, I'm here to scurr the panties off yo' girl... or guy if you freaky like that, and save some candy money with Kiki the Lesbian Pirates Bootleg DVDs. 100% Illegal, 100% one dollah each. You can get all your scurry favorites such as:

Nightmare on South Central Avenue - What's so scurry about a burnt while man with butter knives? Try running from a seven foot rapist with a three foot dildo.

Chris Tucker and Jason Voorhees star in Friday... the 13th - What happens when a high pitch voiced little stoner meets up with a backwoods slasher? I dunno, but you better wear earplugs.

Poke-her-geist - ...... oh, wait... my bad... that's not a scurry movie... that's from my own personal collection. Sorry...

I Spit on Yo' Pontiac - You don't wanna mess with a black man's sweet ass ride!

The Blair Bitch in the Projects - Need I say more? Shiiiiit, I'm scurred right now!

I Know What You Did Last Halloween - Your boyfriend bought those leather assless chaps just for Halloween? Riiiiight... They sho' do look broke the fugg in!

A Haunting in the Ghetto - Scurry moans and groans... chains rattling... shit disappearing... blood dripping from the walls........ then a ghost comes in to haunt the place.

Black Kwanzaa - *black stare* Redundancy is redundant.

The Creature from the Black Poon - Also known as "I didn't know I was pregnant."

Night of Living on Welfare - They don't want yo' brains... they want yo' lose... change... chaaaaange!

28 Lays Later - Shit... another from my collection. I gotta get an organizer!

What about... Invasion of the Booty Snatchers... no... When a Stranger Comes... no.... The House on Humping Hill... no.... dammit... Zombie Strippers? Wow... that's an actual movie, y'all.

I'll get these DVDs sorted out by tonight. I'm-a be creepin' through yo' neighborhood in my little red Pinto blasting "SuperBass", just like the ice cream man, if y'all wanna stop me and get some loot. And for every little one that comes to see me, I'll be giving out Good N'Plenty! But you gotta be dressed up. Don't be bringin' yo' raggedy ass in street clothes and a dollah sto' mask.

A'ight, I gots tah go. Need to get my costume ready. Y'all wanna see it?! 'kay. I'll use some movie magic so you don't have to wait. And POOF!

I'm goin' as a Latina Bish! "Whut'choo doin'? Joo tell me. I cut joo!" Haahaa, I'm racist! Anyhoo, I'll see yo' bitch asses out there! Try to avoid the po-po!

I see orange pumpkins and witches in black... but if I see red and blue, you on yo' own, Jack! BAHH!

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