Friday, March 19, 2010

There will be Blood… just not in my mouth anymore. >_< (a review)


To tell this tale, we have to travel back. Back to X-mas of 2009. Since we were all snow & iced in, the girls (April & Steph) and I decided to have our night of gift exchange at the apartment rather than back in Cleburne and back at April’s place. They thoughtfully gave me an action figure of Dexter Morgan from the Showtime series Dexter. If you know me, you know that I’m in LOVE with Dexter. Along with the figure they included a bag of a new energy drink called Blood. If you know me, you know that I LOVE energy drinks. It looked so real in the tiny I.V. bag! Since I thought it was such a nifty novelty, I thought I’d keep it as long as it will last in the little plastic bag. It still rests on my closet shelf alongside Mr. Morgan. Sometimes when I go into my closet to change, I glance at it and briefly wonder what the energy drink taste like, and then continue what I was doing knowing that I would never actually open it and drink it.

Recently I had the opportunity to purchase another bag of the novelty refreshment. Since I was in need of a little boost, I figured “Why not?” When I got to the car, I opened the little white plastic tipped nozzle and was greeted by what can only be described as a “coagulated” bit of the drink blocking the opening of the nozzle. I thought that it was just some clever little extra that they included to make it more like real blood. I placed my lips on the tip, squeezed, gently sucked, and chewed on the coagulation while drinking some of the fluid. As I backed away from the opening and inhaled, I got the full on flavor of what I just devoured. Now, I don’t know if it was just a subliminal suggestion or what the case may be, but the shit actually tasted a bit like real effin’ blood. I almost upchucked. I read the package carefully to reassure myself that it was just a harmless energy drink: protein and iron infused fruit punch flavored B-vitamin energy supplement. Number one, fruit punch flavored my left butt cheek! Maybe it tastes like fruit punch after drinking fruit punch and then getting an actual punch in the mouth, but just plain ol’ fruit punch it was not. Second, maybe what I was tasting was the combination of it all; flavoring & B-vitamins swirling with the protein & iron. I’ve had energy drinks before, but none with the latter two ingredients which I imagine as the blood-flavoring culprits. Thankfully, I can push on in a mind-over-matter kind of way and just tell myself “it’s just an energy drink, it’s just an energy drink” and finished it without wasting my moolah, but I’ll be damned if it still didn’t taste a bit like real blood. It also didn't help that it was room temperature. >_< Plus, I did not get a bit of a kick from the so called "energy" drink in the slightest.

Yeah, pretty sure I’ll just stick with sugar-free Monster and the Mana & Health energy drinks for when I need an extra bit of pep in my step.

Final verdict: DO NOT BUY… unless you’re one of those creepy goth weirdoes that actually think they are a vampire or wanna be a poser vamp.

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