Hey! YouTube! I OWN me!

Firebird 12-28-2011

Firebird 12-28-2011

In a glance that turns to fire

burns so brilliant, yet so brief

seething romance; heated desire

left in refuse and ashen grief

A passing gust takes away

the flakes of love that once were

to pass on in frightful fray

and pile complacent and endure

Sitting alone in shifting stance

wallowing deep in blacken soot

nostalgia over happenstance

given sight beyond astute

The flames erupt once again

ever glowing, growing, and brash

rebirth among the bleaker Zen

like a phoenix from the ash

Ho ho h-oh my GOD!

Stacy:  How was your Christmas?

Brad:  Was good.  Kenzi, upon first meeting Mom and Mam-Ma, was pulling on her leash away from them, went ape shit berserk, and tried to bite Mom.  Was very odd.  She never did that before.  Once we got to Mom's and she started with the treats, Kenzi warmed up real quick; even curled up in bed with her.  LOL, silly little black bitch.  :-P  Then, at the gathering the next day, she just stayed in my lap the entire time.

Stacy:  LMFAO @ silly little black bitch.

Brad:  For real!  She acted like mom's hands were made of knives, covered in tarantulas, and set on fire!  Freaked the fuck out!  Hair stood on her back and everything!  BEAST MODE ACTIVATE! RAWR!!!  O_O

Stacy:  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  I need beast mode.

Brad:  Then, back at Mom's house, she reached down for her, Kenzi ran, Mom gave chase, caught her, then made a face and looked around, "Did she just poop?!" I look at her puzzled, "No."  Then it hit me; a VERY sharp, pungent odor reeking of fresh hell and squirty shits.  Fuckin' A, I thought she crapped battery acid!  Nope, just rancid fear farts.  Mom scared the toots outta her.  Good to know she has a natural defense against predators.

Stacy:  LMFAO ROTF... Oh... My... God.

Brad:  "Boy how-dee, that was stout!" <--- Gotta love a redneck mom.

Stacy:  Sounds like I missed a good time!

12-22-2011 aka Christmas Eve Eve Eve

MAR 08

A present to all of you.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS, EVERYONE!!!

^_^

(psst... click it.  ^_-)

Why I don't breed...

This one time, at band camp...

Brad: Olive Garden really isn't the best... but it sure is good when it's free!

Stacy: HAHAHAHA, no doubt!  Everything tastes better when it's free!

Brad: Man, I AM a Jew... just told a friend the same thing I told you and she said "Hey, you can't complain; it's free."
          I said, "Watch me."

Stacy: LMFAO ROTF.  I'm rubbing off on you

Brad: "Can you believe these bread sticks?!  As cold and tough as my ex-husband!  And this salad!  Yeesh!
            It's 50% fekokteh onions!"

Stacy: OMFG ... how long did it take you to figure out a spelling for "fekokteh"?  Fakakta.

Brad: LOL!!!  I thank Google... I searched "yiddish fucking"... with the adult filter ON, thank you very much.

Stacy: LMFAOROTF... OMG, I might just pee a little

Brad: I want Yiddish "fucking", not "Yiddish fucking"!  Oy vey!
          (I have a little old Jewish man accent in my head right now)

Stacy: Oh, Brad.... stoooooop!  I'm going to peeeeeeee!

Brad: OMG, that is the fastest onions have ever acted!  O_O  I got some gas BAD!  About to toot my dook-horn
          aka butt trumpet!  Seriously... the salad was about 50% onions.

Stacy: Butt TUBA more like it.

Brad: HEY!!!  ......... shaddap.  At least I got a nice, deep, baritone bellow and not a fruity gay little piccolo tweet.

Stacy: OMG piccolo farts!  I'm totally using that!

Brad: Piccolo Butt= *chirp*  "What was that?!"  "..... bird."
          Me= *ahWOOOOOGAH*  "What was THAT?!"  "Ships are coming in."

Stacy: LOL!  On the drive to work... dude... I smoked myself out.  It was baaad.  I don't even know what I ate!  I thought it was a little poot... it assaulted my nasel passages with such a vengence... I almost had to apologize ... to myself...

Brad: ROFLMAO!!!!!!!  Stop it!  You're gonna make me clear out the office!

Well Wishes

Stacy: Okay, peace out.  Going to the pousoix doctore (that's French for 'lady bits doctor').

Brad: LOL, 'kay.
Good... luck...?  o_0
Not sure what to say here...
Let 'em have it?
Go get 'em, tiger?
Break a.... leg?
Happy trails?
Atta girl?
Sic 'em?
Ready, set, go?
Don't let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya?
Eat fresh?
Ride 'em, cow... girl?
A bird in the hand is worth two in the... bush?
All's well that ends well?
Like a rock?
Like a virgin?
If it doesnt fit, you must acquit?
Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman?
C'est la vie?
Gettin' jiggy wit it?
Carpe pousoix?
You are woman, hear you... roar?
Soup that eats like a meal?
Who let the dogs out?
Don't count your chickens before they hatch?
Built Ford tough?
Shoot for the moon; even if you miss, you'll land among the... pousoix?
More than three shakes and you're playing with it?
Caught between a rock and a hard place?
Blood is thicker than water?
All good things must come to an end?
You're every woman?
Don't go chasing waterfalls?
No means no?
I forgot the 'naked' part... that's a good part...?

A Story of Stupidity

For me to tell my Story of Stupidity of today, I must first take you back to a previous conversation that I had with Stacy a few months ago.  Join me, won't you?

*hops in TARDIS*

Brad: My GAWD, stupid people make me wanna drink! >_<
Stacy: What stupidity have you encountered that makes you want to drink so early in the morning?
Brad: There is a new treasurer for one of my clients... when a bank will not help us with their accounts, we have to work with them to get them to work with the bank to clear up the issues we are having... capice?
Stacy: Follow you so far...
Brad: Well, this newbie sounds and acts like he just fell off the short bus after licking all the windows... :-/ srsly... f'real.... I have no idea who he blew to get this job.  So, of course once he is hired, I have issues with a bunch of different accounts for them and have to work with him.  He's frustratingly DUMB.  There is no other word for it.
Stacy: Ugh, I feel your pain.
Brad: I give him ALL the information and instructions that he needs in order to contact the bank and resolve shit, and he STILL insist on responding to my e-mails with a telephone call... "Uh, so, uhm, you need me to call dis here bank?"  :-|  "Yes, Jethro!"  >_<  Also, I do not get responding to my e-mails with a phone call... he USED to reply to the e-mail and then immediately call, "Hey Brad, I replied to your e-mail."  Really? No shit?!  :-|
Stacy: ...are you serious?
Brad: VERY serious.  So, now I just ignore the phone when I see it's from him... which in turn forces him to reply by e-mail.  I need a shot.  >_<

*hops out of TARDIS*

Now that you know the backstory and have been introduced to the Most Ignorant Sumbitch Known to Man, I can now tell my tale...

Earlier this week, I sent an e-mail to a client basically stating this: "This account has become locked out.  Could you please contact the bank and have them unlock it?" and gave ALL the information that was needed for the client to do so.  A day later, to my utter shock and surprise, I receive the reset password for the locked account in question from the client.  He has NEVER been so efficient and competent!  I was impressed!  So, I log in with the new temporary password, change it to the new permanent password, and process the account like normal for a few days.

Yesterday, the account was locked out again!  It definitely was not me because I was just trying it for the first time that day, plus I am the only one that uses this set of logins to access this account.  So, I send the e-mail again; "This account has become locked out.  Could you please contact the bank and have them unlock it?" and gave ALL the information that was needed for the client to do so.  I come to work this morning with a voicemail form that client representative that just loves to lick all the windows on the short bus, "Hey, uh, Brad... uhm, I need to speak with you about dis here bank dat you e-mailed me about.  I just unlocked it earlier this, uh, week, and I, urm, need to talk to you about it.  If you could, please, uh, call me back so I can, uuuuhhhhh, speak to you........ about this account......... that I unlocked before......."  That was it.  No call back number, no reasoning why he needed to speak with ME to get the account unlocked.  No explaining the multiple long pauses and ums that were muttered.  Nada.

Number one, if I e-mail you, please have the common sense to use e-mail to contact me back.  It is way more convenient for both of use since I am constantly busy and can't really yabber on the phone while working; plus it seems you need time to gather your thoughts first before you let them spill out.  Better to put them in an organized e-mail than let them dribble from your stupid gaping slack-jawed maw.

Number two, if you leave me a voice mail, have the common sense to leave a call back number.  Yes, I CAN go back to previous e-mails to find it in your signature, but that is a lot of unnecessary legwork and wasted time.  Thanks for that, jerk.

Number three, I AM NOT THE FUCKING BANK!  Why the HELL do you need to talk to ME?!  I gave you ALL the fucking information that you need to get this resolved!  Call.  The.  Bank!  If I call you back, I am going to tell you THE EXACT SAME FUCKING THING THAT I JUST FUCKING E-MAILED TO YOU AND THEN TELL YOUR STUPID ASS TO CALL THE BANK!  AAAHHHHHHHHRRRRRGGGGG!!!!!  >_<

Well... I feel better!  ^_^  Continuing with the story... I erased his voicemail with no intention of calling him back and instead sent him an e-mail:

"I received your voicemail this morning about this account.  I apologize, but I will not be able to call you as I will be away from my desk for most of the day.  Yes, you did manage to unlock it and sent me the temporary password; I was able to log in, change the password, and access the account a few days after that.  Now it has become locked out again, and I am not sure why.  This is something that needs to be discussed and resolved with the bank.  Just let them know of this details of this issue and they should be able to help you out."

Yes, it was a little fib, but how else am I going to train this dumb-ass?!  Guess what?  It worked!  He e-mailed me letting me know that, lo and behold, he called the bank and got the account unlocked.  See, Jethro, why was that so hard?  Why put me through the stress and wasted time?  Why make me waste even more time blogging about your incompetence in this very article?

I know why...

You are just straight up fucking retarded.

11-01-2011 aka Kiki's Halloween Outtakes

10-31-2011 aka Kiki's Halloween Commercial

Trick or treat
Candy's sweet
The popo is out on the beat
If I see
read and blue
I'm-a blame it all on you!

Happy Halloween, y'all!

Kiki: Hay y'all, it's that time again. Time to dress up in some frightening costumes so you can make chiddlin cry and steal they candy! It's hard for a gurl to keep her slim figure around this season.

Brad Off Camera: Slim?

Kiki: SHUT UP! Anyway, it's also a time to gather around, cuddle up to yo' boo, but not the ghostly kind, and watch whore movies!

Brad: HOR-ROR!

Kiki: Haaarrr.... hoooooorrr.... harhar....... scurry movies, y'all. Well, I'm here to scurr the panties off yo' girl... or guy if you freaky like that, and save some candy money with Kiki the Lesbian Pirates Bootleg DVDs. 100% Illegal, 100% one dollah each. You can get all your scurry favorites such as:

Nightmare on South Central Avenue - What's so scurry about a burnt while man with butter knives? Try running from a seven foot rapist with a three foot dildo.

Chris Tucker and Jason Voorhees star in Friday... the 13th - What happens when a high pitch voiced little stoner meets up with a backwoods slasher? I dunno, but you better wear earplugs.

Poke-her-geist - ...... oh, wait... my bad... that's not a scurry movie... that's from my own personal collection. Sorry...

I Spit on Yo' Pontiac - You don't wanna mess with a black man's sweet ass ride!

The Blair Bitch in the Projects - Need I say more? Shiiiiit, I'm scurred right now!

I Know What You Did Last Halloween - Your boyfriend bought those leather assless chaps just for Halloween? Riiiiight... They sho' do look broke the fugg in!

A Haunting in the Ghetto - Scurry moans and groans... chains rattling... shit disappearing... blood dripping from the walls........ then a ghost comes in to haunt the place.

Black Kwanzaa - *black stare* Redundancy is redundant.

The Creature from the Black Poon - Also known as "I didn't know I was pregnant."

Night of Living on Welfare - They don't want yo' brains... they want yo' lose... change... chaaaaange!

28 Lays Later - Shit... another from my collection. I gotta get an organizer!

What about... Invasion of the Booty Snatchers... no... When a Stranger Comes... no.... The House on Humping Hill... no.... dammit... Zombie Strippers? Wow... that's an actual movie, y'all.

I'll get these DVDs sorted out by tonight. I'm-a be creepin' through yo' neighborhood in my little red Pinto blasting "SuperBass", just like the ice cream man, if y'all wanna stop me and get some loot. And for every little one that comes to see me, I'll be giving out Good N'Plenty! But you gotta be dressed up. Don't be bringin' yo' raggedy ass in street clothes and a dollah sto' mask.

A'ight, I gots tah go. Need to get my costume ready. Y'all wanna see it?! 'kay. I'll use some movie magic so you don't have to wait. And POOF!

I'm goin' as a Latina Bish! "Whut'choo doin'? Joo tell me. I cut joo!" Haahaa, I'm racist! Anyhoo, I'll see yo' bitch asses out there! Try to avoid the po-po!

I see orange pumpkins and witches in black... but if I see red and blue, you on yo' own, Jack! BAHH!

I'm dumb? - Most Epic Spam EVER!

This... this is the MOTHER of ALL spam e-mails!!!  I mean, just... wow!  If anyone falls for this, they DESERVE to lose everything they own, including but not limited to various internal organs.  If you really think that you were in a near fatal accident which rendered you deaf and dumb (is that even PC anymore???) and that you forgot about it until this e-mail, you need to save us all the time, space, and resources and fling yourself off the nearest cliff to make room for someone with half a brain.  Now, I present to you, the most EPIC spam e-mail EVER!!!  ^_^

-------------

JP MORGAN CHASE BANK, NA/CTC
20-22 Berkeley Square
London W1J 6EQ
United Kingdom
Office Phone +447035959636
Fax: +448704861139
Private Email:greegho@yahoo.com

Attention:

I am Gregg Hollcot from JP MORGAN CHASE BANK it have been very clear that you once had a contract in Nigeria/Inheritance and your money was swiftly transfer into our bank without your notice because We just receive this shocking news of a near fatal accident that left you with a broken spinal cord which impaired your ability to hear and speak.

In order words, we have been officially informed that you are now invalid, deaf and dumb arising from a motor accident which damaged your spinal cord. This information is provided to us by your Nigerian Lawyer appointed to oversee your transaction.

Furthermore, the Lawyer presents us a set of documents to portray that you have willed your funds to him and has given him a Power of Attorney to take over your transaction and claim your outstanding funds accordingly.

In view of the sympathetic and sensible nature of this report, we are obliged to confirm this from you before taking action in favour of your Lawyer by wiring the funds to his chosen bank account as well as sympathize with you.

Please confirm the validity of this report and state clearly whether you are invalid, deaf and dumb arising from your auto accident.

To further convince us that you are the very person, I would prefer you call me immediately you receive this message otherwise, we would have no choice but to act according to you’re Will.

Your Company Name
Your Full Name:
Your Occupation:
Sex:
Country/State:
Your Physical Address:
Marital Status:
Office Phone Number:
Home Phone Number:
Cell Phone Number:
Copy of Your Identification:

Thanks,
Mr Gregg Hollcot
JP MORGAN CHASE BANK

-------------

*signs*Yeah, I'll get right on that... dumbass.

Jew Hell

Stacy:  Exactly how much fun can I have before I go to hell?

Brad:  Oh, I have crossed that line, looped around, and crossed it again so many times

Stacy:  Me too!

Brad:  Jews don't go to hell... you just go to a version of Heaven where everything is full priced

Stacy:  LMFAO ROTF!  No fuggin doubt!  "What?!?! RETAIL!?!? GTFO"

Brad:  "Oy vey, this place! $10 for a reuben sandwich?! I know I have unlimited funds, but I got an eternity to save up for!"

Stacy:  HAHAHAHAHAHHA oh Brad, you're going to make me laugh so hard tears run down my leg!

Brad:  LOL!!!! You're naaaasty.

Oh yeah...

I don't think that I mentioned this on my blog!  I started up another site with my sister-in-Jew, Stacy J. Sciarra, where we get to voice ourselves in various topics like current news, entertainment, sports, or just everyday life in general.  We also invite other people to share their own news stories with us (NewsDesk@WTAFnews.com).  It's a good place to vent and gather other peoples' opinions and experiences on a wide myriad to subjects.  It's also quite entertaining and a good exercise in writing (as you know, I do love to make people laugh).  Well, it seems that the site has gathered some popularity, so I decided to also open an online store offering T-shirts, buttons, and other various items with quotes and logos from ZaxxonQ.com and WTAFnews.com.  I also threw in a few "Kiki's Kwotes" shirts just for kicks.  Anyhoo, just wanted to share the sites with ya since I haven't already.  Hope you enjoy them!  ^_^

It clicks the pics or it gets the hose again

The New Place

Here's the pics of my life in boxes and the video tour of the new place!

My Life in Boxes

KikiTV

Made Kiki her own playlist/channel/thingy muh'bopper.  ^_^  Hopefully, now that I am all moved and that stress is out of the way, I will be able to get around to making more videos again!

"Click mah mug, bitch!"

Two New Ones

New ones I posted at Bad Beatnik Poetry: The Group

My Participation Ribbon part 2 08-15-2011

Desperate in alone

I find myself

I discover that I am 

searching still

within the search

a scavenger hunt

that I can't win

since I am the only player

and it doesn't count

when you succeed by default

or get a participation ribbon.

Pussy 08-15-2011

You call me a monster

I call you a liar

I take your spite

and toss it in the fire

Your anger anew

a phoenix from the flame

your jealously restored

different yet the same

Burns through my soul

so hot, but no ash

tempered strength given

as quick as a flash

You're scared of my will

you shiver and shake

you run like a pussy

from the monster you make.

Why I love her...

Stacy: you are awesome. ;_) 
Stacy: and, apparently, my nose fell off
Brad: ROFL!!!!!!! OMG, I choked on my Monster!
Brad: You made a tear! LOL!
Brad: I needed that!

Cruel

Cruel 08-11-2011

Love and acceptance for who you are

costs a pretty penny

The lack of means

is a cruel fact

Money CAN bring hapiness

but only until it runs out

then you are still broke

with the cruel solitude

Finding yourself is worth all the money

in the world

but how to spend it

is a cruel task

I yearn for the emotional dollars

unlimited wealth

to spend on the worthy

in this cruel world.

Ass

Ass 08-10-2011

Assume the past is past

Assume the link has been severed

Assume that what was is lost

Assume gone the endeavored

Regret is a powerful ally

Regret is a formidable foe

Regret is a double edged sword

Regret is a haphazard beau

Desire blinds you to the truth

Desire tempts your fate

Desire teases and taunts

Desire engulfs love and hate

To desire only make you human

To regret forces you to see

To assume makes an ass

out of you and out of me

M.A.R. 07

Art's punchline was a toss up between "Well, at least Rae was IN this comic." or "Oooo, you said a wordy dird!", but I figured this one was funnier since the final frame wraps it up nicely.  ^_^

Ya gotta click it, silly.  ^_-

Chardonnay is the Devil’s piss!

Chardonnay is not my friend.  It tried to kill me last night.  This is the worst hangover I have ever had, and I have had some bad ones.  >_<  I have never had the stuff in my life, which is an odd thing for one such as me to say since I have tried many wines in my life.  Hell, many booze laced drinks, period.  Let me tell you of this particular drink’s charming qualities:  

First off, it is not a nummy wine.  It seriously taste like the Devil’s urine after he just downed a whole bottle of aspirin.  Evil aspirinated piss from Hell.  But no matter, I wasn’t drinking it for the deliciousness.  I was trying to get druuuuunk.  It did the trick, alright.  After two glasses I was three sheets to the wind.  Speaking of sheets, it must also act as a laxative, because I had the sheeeeets.  >_<  After that passed, I passed… the fugg out!  I have no recollection of the time that I went to bed.  All I know is that I woke up around 2:00 AM and could not go back to sleep due to the worst case of indigestion that I have ever had in my life!  Thanks, Devil Piss (I think I’ll buy a winery and label the product as that)!  I felt like I was gonna vomit that acidic Alien blood that would totally ruin any chances of getting my deposit back on my apartment.  I also woke up with my tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth and my eyes sealed shut!  This shit, although liquid, does not seem to contain one ounce of water.  It severely dehydrated me.  I think it sucked the moisture from my very soul!  Trying to look back on the night, I also found that, ironically, I could not remember any of the episodes of Samantha Who that I watched last night.  Yay, wasted missing time.  So, shits, nausea, acid, dehydration, and temporary amnesia… could it get worse?  Oh yeah.  Ever gag yourself with your toothbrush?  Who hasn't, right?  Ever gag yourself with your toothbrush and fart at the same time?  No one?  Lucky me; feels just like I won the lottery.  It is not a fun experience.  It wasn't the actual act that was terrible, but the first gasp of life retaining breath that I took after the gag.  Apparently another side effect of Chardonnay is that it rots your insides and gives you toxic death garbage farts.  I am quite sure my coworkers will appreciate that today.  Okay, I think that is everything in my words of wisdom/orange warning cones to you.  Over-share time is over.  ^_^  

Just remember: drinking is a lot like falling in love; it may seem like a good idea, it may be fun and giggles in the beginning, but then you gotta pay with the pain, screaming, regrets… and sometimes even vomiting.

UPDATE: Now I am breaking out in itchy hives on my face.  Chardonnay... you SUUUUUUCK! >_<

The Lost Girl drinking game!!! ^_^

Okay, since Quickies for Commoners is going away, I need to post this awesome blog here for archiving. ^_^

Created by Stephanie Smith and myself.



If the word "fae" is mentioned, take a sip.
Dyson shirtless, take a sip.
Bo kisses a girl, take a sip. Take two if it is Dr. Lauren
Dr. Lauren stares at Bo, mouth agape, sip until she closes it.
If a fae power is used, take a sip.
If Kenzi's hair color has changed, two sips; three if it looks freshly raped.
If someone eats something odd, take three sips.
If Kenzi uses any accent at all, take a sip.
If the Ash makes an appearance, take a sip.
If someone mentions Trick's past, sip.
Anytime a new fae is introduced, sip.
Anytime anyone has to explain fae lore to Bo, sip until she gets it.
Anytime the divide (dark and light fae) is mentioned, take a sip.
Dyson has to bail Bo out of a fae situation, take two sips.
Anytime the zombie hooker video game is mentioned, take a sip.
Dyson turns into a wolf, two sips; one if it is partial transformation.
Anytime Saskia/Aífe makes a sarcastic remark, sip to dull the pain of it.

I got my law degree from FaceBook! ^_^

Okay, seriously... everyone that is posting shit about the Casey Anthony verdict and how you are SO outraged and that justice wasn't swiftly delivered... read all the facts.  I'm glad that you went to law school here on Face Book and followed the rest of your outraged peers like sheep with posts like "Karma/God/A higher power/Elvis will judge her", "Seems that if you want to kill someone, move to Florida!", "Poor Caylee can't rest in peace now", "The jury is a bunch of idiots!", etc, but I can tell you that the verdict delivered was the only one that could be delivered.

Let's just get this part out of the way: No, I do not think that parents should murder their kids and get away with it.  Do I think she did it?  I'm not Jeebuz, so I don't fuggin' know, nor do I really give a crap!  I don't know the bitch or her kid and I certainly will not give in to the media circus that has pitched their tents once again on a little white dead girl.  You people are sucked into the sensationalized media blitz and have no idea that they are feeding off of you!  You will post and spread the articles, buy the books, watch the TV movies, and buy the t-shirts or other crap honoring the memory of that little girl.  Guess where that money goes?  You think it goes to building some sort of memorial to her?  Nooooo.  It goes to the media ringmasters, the lawyers, the publicists, and the family.  Good job, American suckers!  ^_^

We now continue with the rant in progress: People are outraged over the fact that the defense team was seen having champagne at a bar directly after the verdict.  If I were on the defense team, I would have gone out for a few drinks myself, also! They did the job they were hired to do and while I don't agree with the verdict, the jurors followed the law to the T. If anyone is to blame here, it is the prosecution who did not make their case. They did not prove beyond a reasonable doubt that Casey Anthony had something to do with the death of her daughter. If you've ever been even part of jury duty selection you know how strictly you must follow the rule of basing your decision on the evidence presented. It is emphatically expressed to the jury by the judge that you cannot hand in a verdict of guilty based on what you think about the person on trial, or even what you personally think about the case itself. You have to remove yourself completely from the case in order to be objective and consider the entire body of evidence presented during trial. The verdict of guilty can only come from proof based on the evidence presented and only that evidence.

I'm sure everyone on that jury thought she was guilty, but when the prosecution fails to present evidence that proves that she is actually guilty, there is only one verdict that can be handed in. The jurors are not to blame here and shame on all of you for completely ignoring the process of the justice system. You are all basing your outrage on what you thought the verdict should be and calling out the jury, who all have made what was most likely one of the most difficult decisions they've ever faced.

The system worked... the prosecution failed.

Now please... PLEASE, enough with the tacky FaceBook posts; they will not bring her back!
I'd really hate to start hiding people!

P.S. If you have ever tried to get out of jury duty... sorry... you cannot say a gawddamn word... so, STFU.

Attack of the Post Holiday Small Talk

I really hate the fuggin' small talk with clients and bank tellers after a holiday:

"Hey there! How's it going? Have a fun fourth? What did you do?  See lots of fireworks?  Eat lots of good food?  Drink lots of beer?" 

Hooker, just give me the information I want and DO NOT waste my precious time prattling on and prying into my private life! >_<

*what I really want to say to make them shut up* "Yes, had a blast! Went to a Big Banging Gay Orgy to celebrate our freedom and shove firecrackers up our butts.  Woo!  You should come next time!"

You know damn well the default polite answer is gonna be "Yes, had fun", so why bother asking?! Just get to work, fart face!

And don't even start to tell me about the details of your holiday!

I.  Don't.  Know.  You.

We are not friends, we are not related, so what in the world make you think that I give two flinging shits about your celebration?!

"... so there we were at the beach..."

"I don't care."

"... then this gust of wind comes up..."

"I don't care."

"... blew the bottle rocket off course..."

"I SO don't care."

"... and instead of exploding, it fell into the water!  Ha ha!"

"Ha ha, I don't care!"

There seem to be a LOT of sad lonely people out in the world that need more work to do.  :-\

Florida Vacation - 2011

Here are the pics and video of my trip to Florida to celebrate Stacy's birthday!  ^_^
BEST VACATION EVER!!!  So good in fact that I plan to move there next year!  :-D

(click the pic  ^_-)

Señorita Nosy Busybody part 2

Another update on the Hispanic coworker that doesn't have enough work to do:  I just came back from a week-long vacation, so I have a SHIT STORM of crap to catch up on and correct.  On said vacation, I bleached my hair.  I just knew that this would draw attention and pit me in a time sucking conversation that would attempt to steer me away from my work.  >_<  I spent this entire conversation staring at the screen, frantically doing my job, and thinking "Go away" on loop.

*I see her out of the corner of my eye running up to my cubicle and think “Oh shit”*

"Aye!  Joo dyed j'our hairs!"

*winces*  "Yeah, I bleached it."

"Ayyye!  I like et!  Joo went on bacation?"

*thinks to self: man, a bacation {bacon+vacation} would rock!*  "Yeah, I went to Florida."

"Ooooooooh!  Plor-ee-dah!  Nice, nice!  I hab family der.  It's been a long dime since I see dem.  Joo go to the beech?"

*continues doing work, ignoring her stories, just focusing on answering questions as quickly as possible*  "Yeah."

"I lub da beech.  I like da hairs.  I dyed mine blonde a little, too!  Look!"

*reluctantly looks over for a brief second to see nothing but dark brown hair*  "Oh!  Nice."  *goes back to work*

At this point I zoned out on everything that she was saying, and after five minutes of nods, polite smiles and chuckles, all while staring at the screen and working my butt off, she FINALLY left.  I really did have a LOT of work to do, catch up on, and fix.  That is the norm after a vacation or holiday and she damn well KNOWS this, so WHY does she insist on stopping me from doing my job?!  Wait until later in the day, Nosy Busybody!  Go to work!  >_<

MYOB... B!

OMG, I hate nosy ass busy bodies. >_<

So, there is an older Messican lady that I work with; I have never seen such a nosy person in my life!

I made some vegetable stew and brought it to lunch one day... I was heating it up in the break room and she comes in and sees me pull it out of the microwave... she looks down her nose at it...
"Whassat?"
"Vegetable stew"
"You make-a it?"
"Yeah."
"Whas in it?"
*I sigh and tell her*
"Can I try it?"
O_O *stunned silence*

So, just now, I was making coffee. I put a lot of powdered creamer in it because I like my coffee like I like my men; sweet and creamy! ^_^ Anyhoo, it tends to foam up a bit at the top... not much, just some. She comes in as it is brewing, looks down her nose at it...
"Whassat?!"
"Uh... it's coffee... o_0"
"Juss kah-fee?"
"Yuh-huh..."
"Are you chure?! Is all foamy! What did joo DO to it?!"
"It's just the creamer!"
"Ooohhh......" then walks away.

For real? Did you mother not hug you enough when you were little?!

When she said "What did joo DO to it?!" I really wanted to say "Oh, I added some dish soap. Gives it a little kick. You should try it!  ^_-"

A personal post...

I know that I said that I would never get personal on this site, but I think this has to be said:

So, you get a BF, you have been together for a month, he says he has a vacation coming up that has been planned and paid for before he met you, said vacation takes place at a gay nude resort which he admits to being to before and having flings, he says that he will contact you when he lands, text you, e-mail you, call you, and video chat with you everyday, days go by with no word. Shit hits the fan, he knows that you think he cheated on you, he FINALLY opens conversation and tries to reassure you that he didn't cheat, and wants to go on like nothing happened. Now what? I want that too, but there is a huge mistrust now and that nagging feeling like something did happen on vacation has tainted what seemed so good. I have been in this sitch before and the guy chose to go to an all nude pool party and break it off with me rather than to take my feelings into consideration. :-/ I HATE these gay nude ho dens. >_< I really feel uncomfortable with him going to them and him being nude around other people, even if they are just friends. I don't walk around naked in front of my friends! I know that I still have to wait to talk to him in person tonight, but I dunno if I confront him with all this shit, y'know?

I must reiterate this: What is it with men, all men, either it be gay, straight, bi, or Thai and that constant desire to plug all holes with their wenis? It boggles me! Good thing there aren't any leaky dams here. I just know when scientists find a tear in the fabric of space and time, they are gonna try to fuck it. >_<

ARE there any good men left? If so, the chances of him being gay, loyal, geeky, 'normal', and in Texas seem slim to none.
-------------
An update to this: yes, we split.  It just wasn't gonna work out.

M.I.A. in Paradise 05-28-2011

M.I.A. in Paradise 05-28-2011

The empty promise of contact

taken in stride

with a missed beat of my heart

the absense I abide

The bliss voided of me

a freedom renewed

my 'little bird' informs me

of promises skewed

I sit alone in waiting

with a drink in my hand

play the good partner

while your toes shift the sand

I know what I know; I feel what I feel

I'm always 100% right

When the flight lands, and the home embrace awaits

don't blame me if I'm not in sight

The Darkness 05-26-2011

The Darkness 05-26-2011

The Darkness burrowed deep inside

Slumbering intense in its dull hibernation

Thought it dead, but it's only resting

I cover the hole and fear the resurrection

Scared to see its face again

Of twisted black and ebony teeth

That gleam the light between spittles of madness

I wish it to stay buried underneath

I found the bright of ever giving

Cornucopia of peace and forgiving

Don't want to lose it again to the bleak

Forgo the thought of it waiting and seething

I go through the motions of the identity anew

While traipsing and teasing its solemn grave

I should know better, I have seen the movies

Where the villain rises into a zombie rave

05-25-2011 aka Kenzi Gets Sassy!

Kenzi finally gets vocal and I caught it on video! ^_^

Rant - Korean Konvenience

I just do not get the little Korean man that runs the shop downstairs in my office building.  Every damn time I get the greasy, flaky croissant and sausage kolaches, he puts them in a paper bag which immediately gets those transparent oil spots, then he puts my napkins IN the bag with the friggin' kolaches.  Why not just give me a used towel from an auto shop to wash my face while you're at it?  >_<

Also, every time my total is $5.something or $10.something and I pay with a twenty dollar bill... "You have one dollah? You have tenny-five cent?" No, twerp!  Gimmie your ones!  >_<

Then there's the prices that he charges!  OMG!  I think everything is marked up at least 300%.  Then there's the issue of debit and credit cards.  He refuses to accept them!  He has an ATM machine that charges a fee which I am sure goes right in his tiny little pocket.  With all that money, no wonder he can afford to dirty up so many napkins!

05-15-2011 aka In N Out - The Ride!

Stephanie, April, Aaron, and I decide to see what the fuss is about.  ^_^

Kellogg's Corn Pops feat. Samuel L. Jackson!

So, this is one of my very first blogs ever and during a recent conversation, decided to resurrect it.  Enjoy!  ^_^

Kellogg's Corn Pops feat. Samuel L. Jackson!

I love Kellogg's Corn Pops, I also love Star Wars, and I also hold Samuel L. Jackson dear to my heart, but these do not compare to my love of SUPER COOL FREE TOYS IN MY BREAKFAST CEREAL!!! When I saw ALL of these things combined into one shiny new product, I almost wet myself right there in aisle 9 of the Wal-Mart Super Center. I can hear the intercom announcement now, "Clean up on aisle 9.... again." Aaaaaaaaaaaanyhoo, there it was, offering me the promise of a NEW SUPER COOL FREE LIGHT-UP LIGHTSABER SPOON!!! I had to have it. Got it, ate it WITH my new super cool free light-up lightsaber spoon, and felt bliss. But something was wrong. VERY wrong. Sammy, as I like to call him, wasn't looking all too happy. Matter of fact, he was down right glaring at me across the table, lightsaber in hand and held high, ready to do some serious Jedi ass-whoopin'. Hell, I'd be mad too if they put my mug on a box of sugary fun-time that tarnished my hard earned image of a gat toting, cap bustin', expletive spewing, bad ass. That's when it hit me. Jackie Brown. No, Jackie Brown didn't come up and bitch slap me. I had just recently seen this blockbuster flick staring the aforementioned uber-actor, and seeing him furrow his brow at me as I ate gave me an idea, NO, a MISSION! I must right what was wronged when they stuck Sammy's bald head on a kid's breakfast cereal offering toys, giggles, and bunnies. Sammy is not about bunnies. I was thinking of "Samuel L. Jackson POPS! ...A Cap In Yo' Ass", but it just didn't have the right ring to it and that phrase has been WAY overdone. No, I had to go with the message that he was silently speaking to me with his slit eyes of rage. Below, you will find the scanned image of my completed mission of what it would be like to have Sammy, the REAL Sammy, on the box of his own cereal. I hope you enjoy and spread word,

^_^

Oh, and BTW, this HAS to be THE BEST FREE CEREAL TOY, EVER!

(click it for full sized glory)

Bitch-Bot Gets the Squirts

mandychick94: hey you
zaxxonq: yes? o_0 who is this?
mandychick94: heyyyy ...sup have we chatted before? 18/female here...u?
zaxxonq: highly doubtful
mandychick94: ah k.. im sorry ..i get to be forgetful at times!! how are u?
zaxxonq: working...  •_•
mandychick94: I just got out of the shower...its been kind of a long day been kind of busy! but i'm feeling naughty! so whats up .. do you wanna have some fun? 
zaxxonq: no thanks. I'm gay.  Vadge makes me gag.  >_<
mandychick94: I need a man that can make me squirt...can you make a girl squirt? lols
zaxxonq: Yeah... I feed her Olestra products and Alli pills.
mandychick94: i gotta change my clothes ... want to see ?
zaxxonq: No, I do not wanna see your funky, dirty ass drawers. •_•
mandychick94: dirty can be good 
zaxxonq: Yeah, but skid marks are not.  •_•

Fun Fabulous Flatulent Friday! ^_^

Brad: omg, my tummy is talking to me... my few courses of Tummy Gurgle to English has it roughly translated to "Thank you for the delicious food! As a reward, please enjoy this noxious death gas. Have a nice nap!"
Stacy: lmao rotf.
Stacy: yeah, I fear mine is headed that way, too 
Stacy: hahahaha
Brad: Oh great, we're the Stank Siblings. >_<
Brad: Toot Twins
Brad: Fabulous Fart Force
Stacy: LMAO Oh... my ....god
Stacy: *laughing out loud, seriously, and hurting my abs since last night was an abs night at the gym*
Brad: LOL, the DooDoo Duo
Brad: ROFL!
Stacy: *leaned to the side and had to release a stinky ass demon* HA! take *that* Paula! 
Brad: OMG-LMFAO-BBQ!!!!!!!
Stacy:  I earned a touché for that one.
Stacy: *leans to the other side to let out it's twin brother* WHEW! I'm stinking myself out over here! 
Brad: I ain't touchin' THAT touché!
Stacy: HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
Brad: I can just hear Paula walking in there now... "*sniff* What died in here?" "Your dignity."
Stacy: "your teeth" 
Brad: "Your insides"
Stacy: "your cramping vagina" 
Brad: Ha! ^_^ "Your sobriety"
Stacy: "your chances of snagging a man"
Brad: LOL!!! "Your fashion sense."
Stacy: (pft she never had any to begin with)
Brad: "Bitch, let me tell you what DIDN'T die; that would be a shorter list."
Stacy: LMAO ROTF. TOUCHE! Brad, Touché. 
Brad: ^_^

Has anyone ever been THAT excited?! o_0

Brad: I am so giddy I could poop!
Brad: uh
Brad: POP
Brad: o_0
Stacy: LMAO ROTF
Brad: one of your O's got away
Stacy: best typo ever 
Stacy: and best follow up EVER
Brad: ROFL!  X-D

Do SPAM Bots Really Work with Anyone?!

[09:58] david zagar: hey u there? :-)
[09:58] zaxxonq: hey, you spam?
[09:58] david zagar:  :-) hey 
[09:59] zaxxonq: hello... do I know you?
[10:00] david zagar: well...i kinda have a fetish for being on camera, do you like to cam at all?? 
[10:00] zaxxonq: no
[10:00] david zagar: have you ever used MyRandomCam? its a free site that uses yahoo cam to let us chat live and do whatever we want without anyone seeing hehe..
[10:01] zaxxonq: again, no I do not
[10:01] david zagar: here, click this, this is my link on there http://********.com
[10:01] zaxxonq: you click it! >:-(
[10:02] david zagar: go there and my video will load, just click the "Verify" button on the bottom left...its 100% free to join you only need a credit card to verify that you are over 18 
[10:02] zaxxonq: yeah, I don't have a credit card... I am homeless and using someone's laptop at Starbucks while they are in the bathroom
[10:03] david zagar: hey to you to
[10:03] zaxxonq: I love hay... I sleep on hay.
[10:03] david zagar: i love the site cause its streams fast in real-time... fill out your info, its free k?
[10:03] zaxxonq: that's awesome. do you have any loose change?
[10:04] david zagar: i use this site to play on cause i don't want to be recorded!...this site doesn't allow people to record my cam! just click the "Verify" button on the bottom left of the page and we'll be able to have a live chat
[10:04] zaxxonq: great! can you give me a hot meal, too?
[10:04] david zagar: credit card is just to verify your age, u get in for free thru my cam session invite since I'm a premium member, but u need to verify babe just click the Verify button it takes one sex..sorry "sec" lol 
[10:06] zaxxonq: *rolls eyes* I'd rather have a sammich or something. seriously, I'm hungry and the owner of this laptop will be coming out of the bathroom soon!
[10:06] david zagar: let me know if you need any help logging in..i'm gonna slip into something nice for you..k? 
[10:07] zaxxonq: I DO need help! Medical help! I got bit by a police dog and I think it's infected. *sniffs* Yep, infected.
[10:07] david zagar: hahaha! call em! and tell them you are reporting a felony... YOUR HAIRSTYLE!! You might wanna get that looked at!
[10:08] zaxxonq: why you gotta kick a hungry, injured, homeless guy while he's down? :-(
[10:08] david zagar: What i got is my webcam 
[10:08] zaxxonq: can I have it? I could get a few bucks for it...
[10:09] david zagar: im the girl in the main video that loads
[10:09] zaxxonq: David is a strange name for a girl... is that Hungarian?
[10:09] david zagar: jennifer is my real name but all my friends call me jenny
[10:09] zaxxonq: I'll just call you David
[10:10] david zagar: k
[10:10] zaxxonq: lmnop
[10:10] david zagar: are u in babe??
[10:10] zaxxonq: No, I'm in Texas
[10:11] david zagar: k
[10:11] zaxxonq: kkk

A Morning Conversation with Stacy

This... this is what gets me through my days.  I would be lost in a blind rage of screaming profanities and flying bullets if it wasn't for this chick-a-dee. ^_^
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Brad: My GAWD, stupid people make me wanna drink! >_<
Stacy: What stupidity have you encountered that makes you want to drink so early in the morning?  
Brad: There is a new treasurer for one of my clients... when a bank will not help us with their accounts, we have to work with them to get them to work with the bank to clear up the issues we are having... capice?
Stacy: Follow you so far...
Brad: Well, this newbie sounds and acts like he just fell off the short bus after licking all the windows... :-/ srsly... f'real.... I have no idea who he blew to get this job.
Brad: So, of course once he is hired, I have issues with a bunch of different accounts for them and have to work with him.  He's frustratingly DUMB.  There is no other word for it.
Stacy: Ugh, I feel your pain. 
Brad: I give him ALL the information and instructions that he needs in order to contact the bank and resolve shit, and he STILL insist on responding to my e-mails with a telephone call... "Uh, so, uhm, you need me to call dis here bank?" 
Brad: :-|  "Yes, Jethro!"  >_<
Brad: Also, I do not get responding to my e-mails with a phone call... he USED to reply to the e-mail and then immediately call, "Hey Brad, I replied to your e-mail."
Brad: "Really? No shit?"  :-|
Stacy: ...are you serious?
Brad: VERY serious.
Brad: So, now I just ignore the phone when I see it's from him... which in turn forces him to reply by e-mail.
Stacy: LOL...what a tardo.
Brad: Now, I need a shot.  LOL.
Stacy: I don't blame you.  I'm going to have to get you a mini flask for days like this.
Brad: You ARE!!!   It boggles me how people that are SO inept at simple life routines can even muster the thought to go through the process to feed themselves without injury! 
Stacy: I know, right?
Brad: I just imagine a bunch of stupid people with sporks in their eye.
Stacy: LMAO
Stacy: My mom just sent me a text "RU up" 
Stacy: Really mom, use English.
Brad: Reply with "No." Confuse the shit outta her.
Stacy: LMAO
Brad: In other happier news...
Brad: So, Kenzi ate, like, a LOT yesterday... when I went to pick her up, my hand could not close around her and she felt as heavy as a sandbag.
Stacy: Wow! 
Brad: Srsly... tubbeh puppeh...
Brad: Anyhoo, I expected her to take a BIG ol' dump before bed........ nope.  Nada.
Stacy: Uh-oh...
Brad: So, this morning, she wakes me up for the first time with whimpers! She never growls, barks, whimpers, ANYTHING! She is not a vocal puppeh!
Stacy: That's good, though - right? 
Brad: Yes, it is VERY good!!!!
Brad: So, I jet outta bed and run her downstairs... and she proceeded to take the BIGGEST shit I have ever seen come out of a dog! I saw her belly shrink!
Brad: I was not upset at the slightest that she woke me 30 minutes before my alarm. ^_^
Stacy: LMAO that's awesome!
Brad: So, I go in and check her bed just to make sure..... spotless. ^_^  So proud of my big gurl!
Stacy: That's great!  So proud!
Stacy: In related news... Rudy did the same thing last night and then had the poopies today.  His experience was a bit different. No accidents but he had the puppy poopie runs when I took him out this morning.  Poor guy.
Brad: Her's were a bit mushy, too, but otherwise a big ol' log.  I wanted to yell "TIMBER!" when I saw that thing! It was massive!
Stacy: That would've been awesome, especially if some random person was just walking by.
Brad: LOL, I did tell her, "Now I know why you shake so much; that must've hurt like hell!"
Stacy: You got an audible laugh for that one.
Brad: LOL! Yay!!! ^_^

"Hey, Sport, how're they hangin'?"

Passing co-worker: "What's going on?"

Brad on his way back to his desk after leaving the bathroom:
*thinks to himself*
"Well, I just urinated; it was a bright yellow color; then I washed my hands, which I don't see many people do so could you please follow my lead on that? Now, I am heading back to my desk to do more work when I was interrupted by your inane social dribble that has way too vague of a context to answer, so I'm telling you everything."

*in actuality* 
"Not much."

*keeps walking*
-------------

I just don't get the need to say something, ANYTHING, to people that you pass by, Next time I'm just gonna blurt out "Porkchop!" and see what the results are. Would not be surprised if the response is the automated "Not much."

Am I just lacking that human necessity to make a daily connection with anyone, no matter how small, fleeting, or trivial it may be?  Can't wrap my lobes around it...

Pathogen

path·o·gen  (pth-jn) n. - A disease-producing microorganism.

So a friend of mine had a school project; create a collage to form the idea or definition of a given word.  Her word was 'pathogen'.  She decided to get friends to sing or speak different lines of Rebecca Black's song "Friday" to define it.  I think it fits.  ^_^

Anyhoo, I was one of those little voices in that project.  Hope ya like it!

http://chirb.it/0LPxHq

Old Tinkerbell Blog

Sorry I have not been on in a long while.  Just kinda in a funk.  I am sure you have had those.  So to fill in the time, here is a throwback to one of my earlier, more awesome blogs.  Enjoy!  ^_^


Brad:  "Hey, Arielle, why don't you allow HTML code in your comments?"

Arielle:  "I dont allow HTML, because I don't like a bunch of videos taking up my entire page.  Also I hate those HTML flashing gif images that say stupid shit like "Have a great day" with a big picture of Tinkerbell riding a donkey or something."

You asked for this one, Kid:

Like you didn't see THAT coming.  :-P  I LOVE that she's riding all sidesaddle like a lady.  ^_^

Mask Makes Me 03-25-2011

Mask Makes Me 03-25-2011

With the doubts that plague our filthy minds, how is one supposed to assert order and cohesion; in thoughts so muddled with heartfelt toil, the mask of emotions covers the reality of logic.  How I long to peel away that mask, break the illusion, and know the certainty of the fate that I make for myself… and for us.  I lied to you and to myself.  I am sorry for the wasted time.  I wish that I could place the blame on my blind eyes and hidden truths, but I know I must atone for that sin, either with or without you by my side.

02-14-2011 aka Kiki's V-Day Commercial

Kiki ruins another holiday. Oh, Kiki. :-P

Haaay! Y'all know what today is?! Dat's right! Time to hide under yo bed so those creepy little naked angel babies don't shoot yo' ass! Who thought this was a good day to celebrate?! Chidlins with weapons is a serious issue! Anyhoo... it's also Valentimes... Balentines........ it's V-Day, y'all! The day that you spend all you money trying impress that certain honey you got yo eye on and tap dat ass! Well, I'm here to help you get laid AND save you some money, with Kiki the Lesbian Pirate's Bootleg DVDs! You can get all the romantic... and even freaky.... DVDs your little heart desires.
Like:
Gone with the Weave - Once the wig was off, it was on!
Room with a Jew - It may be a cheap dump, but it's got running water! That's romantic, right?! Oy vey!
BrokeBlack Mountain - A desperate bruthuh will do anything for money... and love!
You've Got FaceBook Pokes - For quick and easy ways to say "hello"!
Runaway Bitch - Next time you'll know to tie dat ho up!
Love Actually... Sucks - Fugg the love, gimmie the push and shove.
Shaniqua Jones's Diary - Dear Diary, Finally found a good man. He got a job and hits me only every other day.
When a Man Feeds a Woman - He expects that bitch to put out!
100 First Dates - Why stop at 50? Especially when a girl forgets you the next day and you convince her with "No baby, you said you liked it in the backdoor"
A Wok to Remember - Stir fry this big gurl up some good lovin' and noodles, PF Changs!
Casa del Blanca - When an Hispanic man falls for an uppity white bitch, you know something freak gonna happen there!
When RoShawn Met Paula - Well, they never actually met yet, but once she returns his calls, game on bitch!
Sleepless in The Ghetto - He did a drive by on my heart. No... really... love in the hood is a dangerous thing.
and There's Something About LaQueefa - He's captivated by her smell and high pitched sounds of love.

So come on down to Kiki's DVD Emporium, located in the parking lot of the Stop 'n Go! If I don't have it, I'll get it in a minute! 100% guarantee, and as always 100% $1 each!
A'ight, I gots tuh go return this damn camera to the pawn shop before they realize that I stole it and come lookin' fo' me. Remember:

Roses are Red
Poppies are, too
But if I see red with blue
I'm-a act like I don't know you!

Bye!


Kiki's V-Day Outtakes